Five Times Raphael was a Pillow
by Flynne
Summary: ...and one time he wasn't. (Set in the 2k3 universe.)
1. Leonardo

Five Times Raphael Was a Pillow and One Time he Wasn't

**1. Leonardo**

The turtles didn't really get sick all that often. They didn't have a lot of exposure to human viruses, and even if they did, viruses tended to be species-specific. Mutant turtle DNA was a kind of safeguard against run-of-the-mill diseases humans passed around. Growing up in the sewers had also given the four brothers iron-clad immune systems. There were times when they'd catch the occasional bug or have to fight off an infection acquired in their less-than-sterile environment, but it didn't happen often. And even when it did, the turtles could usually bounce back fairly quickly.

Usually.

This time it was Leonardo, and he'd been down for the count for almost a week. It had started with sniffling and morphed into a rattling cough that settled in his chest and stubbornly refused to leave. Raph knew it was bad because Leo hadn't even attempted to train for three days. Fortunately, Leo wasn't dangerously ill; he was just miserable. He had spent most of the past week in his room, partly because he didn't know how contagious he was, but partly because he had been too drained to do much more than sleep.

The sound of hoarse coughing echoing off the stone walls of the lair broke into Raphael's sound sleep and awakened him. He growled a little under his breath and buried his head under his pillow. The ragged barking came again, though, and he flopped onto his back with a groan, staring up at the ceiling as his hammock swung gently back and forth. He lay there for a moment or two trying to drift back to sleep, but even though he didn't hear Leo cough again, the silence rang in his ears and kept him awake.

Raph growled again, rolled over, and dropped to the floor, moving silently to the door and peering out into the main living area of the lair. The cavernous room was dark except for the shivery blue-white glow of a television. Only one small screen on the huge bank of TVs was turned on, and Leo was huddled under a blanket in a corner of the couch. Even in the dark, across the room, Raph could see him shivering.

He cast a longing look back at his hammock, then gave a resigned sigh. It had been over twenty-four hours since he'd last seen Leo, and Raph knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he'd checked on him. He crossed over to stand next to the couch. "Little late for you to be up, ain't it?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

Leo didn't even look around. "Been sleeping for hours. I'm still tired but I can't sleep any more." The words snagged in his throat and he started to cough, lifting a fold of the blanket to smother the sound.

"Didn't you take any of that medicine April brought down?" Raph asked with a frown.

Leo blinked in confusion. "Uh…Thought I did. When you were sparring with Mikey."

Raph rolled his eyes. "That was yesterday, dummy." In spite of his outward sarcasm, though, Raph was a little worried. It wasn't like Leo to be so out of it.

"...Oh. I'll, um...I should do that." Leo glanced in the direction of the kitchen, but shivered again and hunched deeper against the sofa cushions.

Raph sighed. "Just stay put," he said shortly. He stalked off to the kitchen and rummaged in the cabinet until he found the box of cold medicine April had bought for them. Even though she hadn't known them for very long, she had eagerly befriended them. It surprised Raph and his brothers sometimes how aware of them she was. When she'd heard Leo first start to cough she'd appeared the next day with Nyquil and tissues "just in case". Raph popped two of the bright green gelcaps out of the packaging and filled a glass of water, carrying them out to his brother.

Leo swallowed the pills, wincing a little from his raw throat. Raph's frown deepened when he saw Leo's hand shake a little as he drained the glass and set it aside. He cast one last look towards his room, then made his decision and plopped down on the couch. Leo glanced over at him, clutching the blanket closer around himself before turning dull eyes back to the television.

Raph stared straight ahead as well, but kept his attention on his brother. Leo was breathing carefully to avoid aggravating his cough, but he couldn't suppress the trembling. Even though Raph could feel the heat radiating from him, his shivering caused the couch to shake.

Raph let out a put-upon sigh and dragged one of the throw pillows into his lap, then reached out and hooked a hand around Leo's neck, giving him a little tug. "C'mere."

"Huh?" Leo pulled back a bit, staring at him in confusion.

"Would you just come on?" Raph said impatiently. This time, Leo didn't resist when Raph tugged on the back of his neck. He curled on his side with his head resting on the pillow in his brother's lap. Raph draped one arm over Leo, stealing the remote with the other. He flipped channels until he found a replay of the hockey game he'd missed seeing the night before. "Just so ya know, if Mikey comes out here, I'm pushin' you onto the floor," he warned.

Leo didn't smile, but a small huff of air that might have been a laugh escaped his chest. "Okay," he said hoarsely. He pressed as close to his brother as his shell would allow, burrowing deeper under the blanket.

For a while, Raph didn't really notice a change. Leo still coughed and shook. Raph began to feel uncomfortably warm, pinned under his feverish brother, but he didn't fidget. After about thirty minutes, though, he noticed that Leo wasn't coughing quite so much, and his shivering had subsided. He peered down, trying to see Leo's face. He was fast asleep. Raph carefully rested his hand against Leo's cheek, smiling a little in relief when the skin beneath his hand felt cooler to the touch.

"Shell-for-brains," he muttered. "Knew you'd forgotten to take your medicine. You pretend to be this hot-shot leader and you can't even remember to take care of yourself." He lightly patted a blanket-covered shoulder before wrapping his arm over his brother again and settling back to watch the rest of the game.


	2. April

**2. April**

Naturally, the movie had been Mikey's suggestion. He'd been horrified to learn that April had never seen "Sinbad of the Seven Seas" ("_What?! April, you have GOT to see this movie! It's got Lou Ferrigno! ...What do you MEAN you don't know who Lou Ferrigno is?")_

It had taken a bit of discussion at first to figure out when a good time for movie night would be. April always got up early, which didn't usually jive with the less structured schedule of her nocturnal friends. But eventually she and the turtles had decided on a time for movie nights that worked for both of them - either eight in the morning or eight at night, depending on April's plans.

This time, it was a night movie. April plopped on the couch with a sigh, settling between Mikey and Raph.

"Tough day?" Don asked.

"Not bad. Just long," she answered, scrubbing her hands over her face. "Every time I think I'm finished cleaning up the store, I find something else I have to do. I'm going to have to pull some all-nighters if I'm going to open on schedule."

Leo emerged from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of popcorn. "We can help clean," he volunteered. "Just tell us what you need us to do." He deposited the bowl into Mikey's outstretched hands, smirking a little at the way his brother's fingers wiggled impatiently.

"I might take you up on it," April answered. "But not tonight. Just thinking about Windex is enough to make me want to scream."

"Besides, it's movie night!" Mikey put in. "April, your life isn't complete until you've experienced this movie."

"It's that good, huh?" she asked, taking a handful of popcorn.

"It's terrible!" Mikey answered enthusiastically. "Probably one of the worst movies of all time. But it's so bad it's good."

"You can't take it seriously," Leo said. He sat down in the battered arm chair, hugging a throw pillow against his chest as he settled in. "If you do, it'll drive you crazy."

Mikey flapped his hand at Leo in a shushing gesture. "Just let her see for herself." He frowned down at Don, sitting on the floor against the couch with his laptop. "Turn that off, Donny," he said, flicking his brother on the back of the head. "You need to _focus_."

"I _am_ focusing. I can watch the movie and write software for the Battle Shell's weapons systems at the same time." Don swatted Mikey's hand away when he was flicked a second time, not even looking up from the screen. "You're not going to change my mind about this so you might as well start the movie. In case you've forgotten, you've made me watch this at least ten times."

"Fine." Mikey pouted, but hit the button to start the movie.

Raph slouched against the arm of the couch, grabbing a fistful of popcorn when April offered him the bowl.

"Favorite movie of yours, too?" she asked.

"Nah. But it's fun to watch it with Mikey," Raph answered, stuffing the popcorn in his mouth. "As long as he doesn't quote every line," he finished pointedly.

"You're no fun, Raphie." Michelangelo tossed a popcorn kernel at his brother, but stopped when April gave him a forbidding look.

"I am not going to be in the middle of a popcorn fight," she said firmly. Raph snickered, prompting Mikey to stick his tongue out, but the brothers soon settled in to watch the movie.

To Mikey's delight, April thoroughly enjoyed the movie. She giggled her way through the first half hour - when she wasn't groaning and hiding her face in a throw pillow in second-hand embarrassment. But after a while, Raph noticed her becoming more and more quiet, and when he glanced over he saw her starting to blink heavily. The battle with the ghost knights was coming up, though, so he turned his attention back to the television. When he looked back at April again, he saw that she'd fallen completely asleep, sitting precariously upright with her eyes closed.

Don had noticed, too. "Should we wake her?"

"She was pretty tired," Leo said doubtfully. "I think we can let her sleep."

"That can't be too comfortable, though," Don replied.

Mikey's eyes glinted mischievously. "I can fix that." Before anyone could stop him, he reached out and gave April's shoulder a gentle nudge. She wavered unsteadily for a moment or two, then slowly leaned over and came to rest with her head against Raph's shoulder.

Raph froze, eyes wide. "Mikey!" he yelped. April fidgeted slightly but didn't wake, relaxing against him again. Raph glared at Michelangelo for a moment before turning his gaze to Don (who looked stunned and a bit alarmed) and Leo (whose mouth was quirked in an infuriatingly familiar manner, betraying the fact that he was desperately trying not to smile). "What the shell am I supposed to do now?" Raph hissed.

"She looks pretty comfy, Raph," Mikey said with a grin. "I think we should just let her sleep."

"For how long?"

"Until she wakes up, I guess," Don shrugged. His surprise was rapidly being replaced by amusement.

Raph's hands itched to bap Mikey upside the head and wing pillows at Don and Leo, but the light pressure of April slumbering against him had him pinned as effectively as if he were trapped under a locomotive. "What's she gonna say when she wakes up?"

"She'll probably scream," Mikey said gleefully. "_I_ would if I woke up that close to your face."

Raph clenched his teeth. "You wanna scream? I'll _give _you a reason to scream," he growled. Mikey just snickered.

"Uh, Mikey…" Leo cleared his throat and rose to his feet, putting a restraining hand on Mikey's shoulder. "Why don't you go make more popcorn?" He picked up the empty bowl and shoved it into his brother's hands, giving him a little push to get him moving.

"I'm gonna turn him inside out one of these days," Raph said darkly, staring after Mikey as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"No jury would convict you," Leo replied, coaxing a chuckle out of his scowling brother. He picked up the blanket hanging on the back of the couch and covered April with it, giving Raph's other shoulder a reassuring pat. "Don't worry. If she's still sleeping at the end of the movie, we'll wake her up."

"...Nahhh, don't bother," Raph said grudgingly. "It's fine. She ain't heavy like you goofballs. 'Sides, I'm pretty sure I can get up without wakin' her if I have to."

Leo gave him a knowing little smile and returned to his chair. The smell of popcorn wafted through from the kitchen and Raph could hear Mikey humming to himself as he puttered around. April sighed a little, tugging the blanket closer around herself and snuggling closer against him in her sleep. Mikey chose that moment to return from the kitchen, popcorn in hand, and Raph scowled at him in anticipation of more teasing - but Mikey just smiled. Raph rolled his eyes and looked away. He shifted position just a little to make sure April wouldn't be in danger of sliding forward as she slept, then settled in to watch the end of the movie.


	3. Casey

**3. Casey** (Set after the 2k3 season 1 episode "Fallen Angel")

"Are you sure you should be drinking this much?" Raph asked, handing Casey another beer. "You were hangin' upside down for over an hour, and that was after being used as a punching bag."

"Nahhhh, I'm fiiiiine," Casey answered, waving Raph's question away with with a careless flick of his wrist. The two of them were sitting on the roof of Casey's apartment building with their feet dangling over the deserted alleyway below.

Raph gave his friend a skeptical glance. After they'd rescued Casey from the Purple Dragons and left him at Angel's grandmother's house, Raph hadn't expected to hear from him until at least the next day. But Casey had called just a couple hours later and offered him beer _("Dude, you know givin' booze to a minor is illegal, right?" "Will you just shut up and get your shelled butt over here?")_, so Raph had gone. He'd slowly made his way through a beer or two, but Casey had tipped his first bottle down easily and kept going.

"I ain't even been dizzy or nothin' since we took Angel home." Casey went on. He made an expansive gesture with his beer bottle in the general direction of Angel's grandmother's home. The force of the movement made Casey lean much farther forward than he'd intended, and Raph's hand shot out to snag the back of his collar to keep him from toppling off the roof.

"How 'bout we go inside?" he suggested, keeping hold of Casey's shirt as he climbed to his feet.

"Why?"

"Because you're outta beer. And if we don't, you'll probably fall off the roof and I ain't gonna clean up the mess when you land."

"You're awfully grouchy," Casey complained. He let Raph haul him to his feet, though. He managed two steps on his own before he stumbled on a discarded beer bottle.

Raph lunged forward, letting out a grunt of effort as he caught Casey before he faceplanted on the roof. "You ain't _seen _'grouchy' yet," he said darkly, dragging Casey's arm across his shoulders with one hand and grabbing hold of his belt with the other. He managed to wrestle his friend through the roof access door and down the stairs to his apartment (mostly without clocking his head into things). He steered Casey over to the couch and tried to maneuver him down onto the cushions while making a clean getaway, but despite Raph's bulk and not inconsiderable strength, Casey was significantly taller and heavier. Casey saw the couch and immediately dropped onto the cushions, dragging Raph with him.

"Hey! Casey, you idiot, get offa me!" Raph growled, pushing at the boozy tangle of limbs his friend had become. He managed to partially extricate himself, sitting wedged in the corner of the couch with Casey flopped against him

"I hate Hun," Casey mumbled. "No matter what, I can't beat him. He's always gonna win." That brought Raph up short. His frown went from irritated to thoughtful as he looked down at Casey. Casey didn't seem to realize he had spoken. He was blinking heavily, his earlier good mood washed away by the amount of alcohol he'd consumed, leaving only his morose thoughts behind.

Raph sighed. "Not always, buddy," he said quietly - half reassurance, half promise.

Casey didn't answer. He just shut his eyes and started to snore. Raph sighed again, the last of his irritation draining away. He glanced at the clock. It was after three. Leo would probably start wondering where he'd gotten to before long, but...well, someone had to make sure the giant mook next to him didn't suffocate himself in the sofa cushions.

He shifted position a little, grimacing as the ancient piece of furniture creaked ominously beneath him. "One thing's for sure," he muttered as he settled in, "You sure as shell ain't gonna make a habit of this. Or else you're gonna need to get a better couch."


	4. Donatello

**4. Donatello **(set immediately after the 2k3 episode "The King")

Don had been down in the basement for almost an hour before Raph decided he was tired of waiting for April's hot water heater to be fixed. The icy water from his aborted shower had long since evaporated, leaving him dry but cranky. He crumpled up his damp towel with a growl and tossed it into the corner.

April cleared her throat - softly, but pointedly - and he winced sheepishly. "Heh. Sorry, April." He crossed the room and picked up his towel, folding it neatly as he carried it back to the bathroom and hung it back on the towel rack. He put his belt and pads back on and picked up his mask, tying it around his head as he joined his family in the living room again.

Just as he entered the room, Donatello emerged from the basement.

"There you are!" Mikey said, looking up from his comic book. "We were about to send a search party to see if you - " He stopped short and tilted his head for a moment. "Geez, Donny, did you get into a fight with the water heater and lose?"

"Huh?" Don looked up, shaking himself out of a daze. Raph and Leo exchanged a perplexed glance. Don _did_ look as if he'd been in a fight - he was dirty and tired, and he was holding a carefully folded sheet of paper in his hand. Don didn't seem to notice his brothers' confusion. He sighed and buried his face in his hand. "_Shell._ I forgot about the water heater."

"You forgot? What do you mean you forgot? What the heck were you doin' down there this whole time?" Raph asked.

"I was…" Don stopped, glancing down at the paper in his hand before turning to April. "Um...April, I don't know how to tell you this. Something's happened to Kirby."

April's eyes widened. "_What?_"

"Yeah, Don, what happened to all that 'I'm a ninja! Piece of cake!' talk?" Mikey put in. Splinter frowned and made a shushing gesture at his son, turning his concerned gaze back to Donatello.

Don's family listened in stunned silence as he told them about meeting April's tenant, and about the crystal Kirby had found that allowed his artwork to come to life. He told them about the dimensional portal Kirby had drawn, and about their adventure in the world the artist had unknowingly created.

"...So we defeated the monsters, but by the time we made it back to the portal, it had started to close," Don said. "I wanted Kirby to go through but he told me to go first. I was going to pull him through after me, but the portal nearly closed on me. I barely made it back, and then...this is all that's left." He held out the piece of paper with a drawing of himself and a last message from Kirby.

April didn't say anything at first. She looked down at her folded hands, taking deep, careful breaths to collect herself. But when she lifted her head to meet Don's eyes, her face was devoid of accusation. She hesitantly reached out and took the paper, gazing down at the drawing for a moment. "Thanks for telling me, Don. I'm glad you're okay," she said, trying to smile. She rubbed at the worried lines on her forehead with her free hand. "I don't know what I should do next, though. Report him missing? How on earth would I explain that to the police? Especially when I know where he is - well, sort of."

"Does...did Kirby have any family?" Leo asked.

She shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. We'd talk a bit here and there, but it never really came up. He hadn't been living there very long. I didn't think I'd need to ask for any sort of emergency contact information."

There was a long silence. "I guess...he's gone, then," Don said in a low voice. "April...I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," she answered, carefully folding the drawing and handing it back. "Like I said, I'm glad you're okay."

Don just nodded without looking up. "I should go back downstairs and fix the hot water heater," he said in a low voice.

"Don't worry about it, Don. I'll take care of it," Leo said, resting his hand briefly on Donatello's shoulder. "Did you leave the tool box down there?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Leo gave his shoulder a final pat and disappeared down the basement stairs.

April looked after him. "I guess all I can do is wait and see if someone comes looking for him...but I don't even know what I'd tell them." Her words were not directed at anybody, but Don flinched all the same hearing the barely-held-back tears in her voice. "Maybe...maybe I should go downstairs and see if I can find an address book or something that might tell us who his family is." She wiped her eyes briskly and hurried after Leonardo.

"Come on, Mikey," Don said quietly. "We'd better clean all this up." He indicated the scattered chopsticks and empty boxes leftover from the Chinese take-out they'd ordered. Mikey complied without a word.

Raph retreated to the kitchen to start washing the dishes he and Splinter had used earlier. It didn't take him long, but by the time he was finished, Mikey was slouched in the armchair with his comic book again, Splinter was either sleeping or meditating in the corner of the room...and Don was nowhere to be seen.

It wasn't unusual for Don to slip away when he needed a quiet place to think, but this time Raph didn't feel right about leaving Don alone with his thoughts. The bathroom was empty, as was the tiny spare room April used as an office. Raph knew Don wouldn't go into April's room without asking, and - despite the ever-increasing cabin fever he and his brothers had felt - he knew Don wouldn't go outside and risk being spotted by any Foot patrols.

Raph frowned thoughtfully and descended the stairs to the basement as well. Leo was still puttering away with the water heater, and Raph could hear April's quiet movements around the basement apartment. Don wasn't down there, though, which left…

Raph moved across the hall and slipped into the darkened store. The large room was utterly silent and still. Beams of orange light from the street lamps slanted through the wide storefront windows, breaking into disorienting shapes and angles as it fell on the haphazard collection of antiques. But fifteen years as a ninja - and, more importantly, as a brother - told Raph he wasn't alone.

"Don?"

There was a pause, then a sigh. "I'm over here, Raph."

Raph followed the voice to the front of the store. Don was sitting in a patch of shadow on the floor next to the window, where he could see out but not be seen. There was just enough room between him and a nearby bookcase for another turtle to fit. Raph squeezed in beside him and just sat, their shoulders pressing together.

"It _is_ my fault," Don said after a moment, voice so low it was almost inaudible. "Kirby never would have gone through that portal if it weren't for me."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. He'd drawn it a while ago and just let it sit there. He wasn't even thinking about it tonight - just drawing other things. If I hadn't gone through, he wouldn't have given it a second glance. It would have disappeared and he'd still be here." Don bowed his head and rubbed his eyes with his finger and thumb. "Now he's gone. He's gone without a trace, probably for good, and if he has any family, they'll never know what happened to him."

Raph didn't answer right away. Mikey was the one who had the most vivid imagination, but Raph could imagine all too easily how he would feel if something like that happened to a member of his own family. Thinking about it made him feel cold all over, and he found himself pressing closer against Don in a reflexive attempt to chase away the chill.

"You couldn't've known it would happen," he said in a low voice. "No matter what else happened tonight, _that_ ain't your fault."

"I hope I can believe that someday." Don leaned against him in return, and the brothers fell silent.

The metal-on-metal sounds of Leo working faded into silence, and Raph heard April's light but distinctive footsteps ascending the basement stairs. "Yo, Don." He nudged Don's shoulder with his own. "'Bout time to head upstairs, don't you think?" Raph turned his head to look when Don didn't respond, and his brow ridges lifted when he saw that Don had fallen asleep, head lolling against his shoulder.

Raph gave a sad little sigh. He shifted position so Don's head would rest against his shoulder at a more comfortable angle, then carefully leaned over to lean his head against his brother's. "Guess we can stay here a little longer if you want."


	5. Michelangelo

_Thanks to all of you for your feedback and interest in this story! I'm so glad you've been enjoying it! I should mention that Skitsmix was a most excellent beta, and was particularly helpful with this chapter. There's one more chapter on the way!_

* * *

**5. Michelangelo – **set after the 2k3 season 4 episode "Grudge Match"

The Daimyo returned them to the lair shortly after the ceremony. Even though the ruler had thrown a celebration after Mikey defeated Kluh, the Hamato family was relatively subdued once they were alone. Despite the way Leonardo had reached out to Mikey and helped him train, he slipped off without a word the moment they returned home. Michelangelo himself was uncharacteristically quiet. He hadn't gotten much sleep the past three days, Raph knew, and it was just before daybreak - time for all good little mutant turtles to consider bed - so he didn't think much of it.

Raph was worn out as well, even though he hadn't been the one fighitng, so he didn't quite understand why he couldn't sleep. Scratch that, he realized with a scowl, he _did_ understand. His brother could have been killed.

Truth be told, Raph _had_ been looking forward to seeing Mikey get his shell handed to him...if for no other reason than perhaps Mikey would _finally_ shut up about the stupid Battle Nexus tournament. But the moment they'd realized that something was wrong - the moment Kluh's father had produced the Daimyo's son as his hostage - a horrid cold fear had seized Raphael, because he'd known what would happen even before the Daimyo moved to surrender his war staff. He'd known that saving the Daimyo's son was abandoning his brother, and even though he knew Mikey was a formidable fighter, Kluh was massive and strong and out for blood. Raph felt ashamed to admit it now, but he hadn't believed that Mikey had a chance.

Mikey's attitude had needed to be taken down a peg or two...but not like this. Even though they were all home and safe, and even though Raph had never, _never_ wished his brother harm (except for perhaps a dented ego), it _felt_ like that's what he had done. The guilt caused his heart to thump heavily within his chest, his pulse thrumming and causing his hands to quake.

He couldn't lie still any longer.

Raph threw himself out of his hammock and stalked out of his room, fists and teeth clenched, making a beeline for the punching bag hanging in the corner of the main room. He found the bag by memory in the dark, striking out with a growl. The first blow had hardly landed when he pulled up short, suddenly aware that he wasn't alone. He caught the bag as it swung back at him, peering through the shadows.

"Who's over there?" He started walking over to the couch, mildly surprised when he didn't receive an answer. He'd made it halfway across the room before he recognized the silhouette. "Mikey?"

He reached out and turned on a lamp. The dim light seemed bright after the darkness, and he squinted a little as his eyes adjusted. Confusion turned to alarm as the light revealed the stiff way Mikey was sitting and the strained expression on his face.

"What the shell's the matter with _you?_" he asked, speaking more harshly than he'd meant to in sudden worry.

Mikey wasn't bothered by his tone. He looked up and gave Raph a slanted smile. "Couldn't sleep."

Raph knew that look, and his expression only darkened further. "Ribs still bothering you? Or is there somethin' else I should know about?"

"Uh...well, let's just say I'm glad I've got a shell to keep everything where it belongs," Mikey answered, gingerly patting his plastron with his right hand. His bandaged left arm remained curled in his lap. Thankfully, Kluh's crushing grip hadn't fractured his wrist, but it was sore and badly bruised. "I talked to Sensei," he went on, "and Donny checked on me before he went to bed, too. It hurts but there isn't really anything I can do about it. I'll be okay. I just…"

"...Can't sleep," Raph finished.

"Right." Another thin smile. "I can't lie on my back. Or my side. And I can't breathe right on my stomach. So…" He shrugged, unable to completely hide a wince at the movement. "I was kinda dozing a little out here until _somebody_ came out and started hitting things."

Raph's arms were folded so tightly across his chest he could feel the strain in his shoulders. "How many ribs?"

"Uh...broken or unbroken? Because I'm not really feeling up to doing a lot of math right now and it'd be easier for me to count the ones that _don't_ hurt."

"_Shell."_ The growl rumbled low in Raph's throat and he could feel his hands shaking as they curled into fists. He felt a burning desire to pummel Kluh until he was a quivering lump on the ground, but the Levram warrior was out of reach in his own dimension...and Mikey had thrashed him so completely that there wouldn't really have been much left for Raph to do anyway.

It took a considerable amount of effort, but Raph focused his attention on Mikey once more. He came around to the front of the couch and sat down beside him, moving carefully to keep from jostling him. He stretched one arm along the back of the couch, and Mikey immediately moved over to rest against him. Leaning against Raph allowed Mikey to stay upright without needing to balance himself. The broken ribs wouldn't allow him to sigh in relief, but Raph felt the tension leave his brother's body, draining his own anger away along with it. He no longer felt the need to take out his wrath on the punching bag, but the guilt remained. He was silent at first, the words stuck in his throat for a moment before he gave a little cough and said in a low voice, "I didn't _want_ you to get hurt, ya know."

Mikey gave a little snort, and his head shifted against his shoulder so he could look up at him. "Raph," he said chidingly. That was _all _he said, but Raph heard the unspoken _Raph, you idiot, of course I know._

Relief caused the knot of guilt in his chest to uncoil just a bit. It didn't go away completely, but Raph knew it would eventually disappear. He let his hand curl forward to rest on Mikey's shoulder. "Think you can sleep now?" he asked with gruff affection.

"Yeah, I think so." Mikey leaned closer against Raph's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Thanks, Raphie," he said tiredly.

It wasn't long before Mikey's breathing evened out and he became a warm weight against Raph's side. Raph reached out with his free hand and carefully slipped a throw pillow behind Mikey's shell to make sure there wouldn't be any unpredictable movement to jar his broken ribs. He sighed and rested his head against the back of the couch. "G'night, champ," he murmured. He shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	6. and one time he wasn't

**6. ...And one time he wasn't. **(Set after the season 4 episode "Prodigal Son")

The water pumping station felt open and exposed, and Raph didn't like it.

It didn't matter that it was secluded, or that the only way in was through underground tunnels. It was above ground, and even though there were no windows in the part where they lived, for a turtle who was used to living hundreds of feet below the streets, it felt unprotected.

His family had gone to bed hours ago, utterly worn out from injuries and three days with little or no sleep. Leo had brought blankets from the destroyed lair, and Mikey had immediately curled up next to him. Don had followed suit, stretching out nearby with the back of his shell pressed lightly against Leo's arm. Raph had settled next to Don - close, but not touching - and had tried unsuccessfully to sleep.

The sun was high in the sky, baking the aged stone of the treatment plant. Even though it was cool and dark inside, the subtle creaks and clicks of metal and concrete expanding in the heat echoed in the wide chamber. Raph was used to the constant soft trickle and drip of water filling the silence in the Y'Lyntean labyrinth they'd previously called home, but these noises sounded ominous to his ears.

He clenched his teeth on the growl that threatened to escape, rolling to his feet and stalking away. He kept one hand in light contact with the wall as he walked - partly to learn his way around the darkened station by feel, but partly because he was tired and sore and he wasn't completely confident that he could navigate the room without stumbling.

By the time he circled back around to his family, his eyes had adjusted to the dark and he was able to see his brothers' faint silhouettes. The hard knot of tension in his gut uncoiled a little as he saw them sleeping. Even though he, Don, and Mikey worked well enough as a team, missing a brother felt like missing a limb. Leo's return had snapped something back into place within his chest, and he found that could breathe more easily than he had in months.

But it wasn't enough to allow him to sleep.

"Raphael." Splinter's soft whisper cut through the silence. Raph immediately detoured to stand next to him. Don had done his best to provide their father with a bed by layering several blankets on top of each other. Raph was pretty sure Splinter had been sleeping when he'd gotten up to pace, but even though his movements hadn't made a sound, it didn't surprise him that his father had awakened.

"You need somethin', Sensei?"

A clawed hand curled around his wrist and gave him a tug. Raph complied with the silent command, kneeling down next to Splinter.

"Raphael, you have not slept in days," Splinter said. "You need to rest."

Raph's knee-jerk response was usually to sidestep the issue or brush off concerns...but his brothers were asleep and it was just him and Splinter...and he was so tired that he was starting to feel dizzy. "I know," he answered wearily.

"What is wrong?"

"I - I dunno, Sensei," he answered. "I'm glad we're all okay and I'm glad Leo's back..._shell_, I'm glad he's back," he repeated emphatically. "It's just...after the attack, when I couldn't find you...I looked every night but you guys weren't anywhere. And even though Leo says Karai won't come after us, he can't _know _that, can he?" His fists clenched again, and he tensed as a fresh wave of anger crashed over him as he remembered how close he had come to losing his family.

"We are safe," Splinter said softly. He was so close that Raphael could feel the soft brush of whiskers against his cheek. "You do not need to stand guard."

"I know," Raph growled.

Splinter shifted back a bit to lean against the wall, then reached out and hooked his hand around Raph's upper arm. "Rest," he said again. "I will keep watch while you sleep."

Raph was too exhausted to resist. He allowed Splinter to gently pull him forward until he was stretched out on his stomach with his head resting on his father's blanket-covered lap. His pulse throbbed in his temples and the pumping station clicked and groaned around him. But he could feel Splinter's steady breathing and his father's gentle hand on his aching head. He closed his eyes.

**xxxxx**

Splinter draped a fold of his blanket over Raphael as he settled. It wasn't long before he relaxed and grew heavy, finally dropping off to sleep. Splinter was tired as well, but now that he had promised to keep watch - even though there was no need - he knew he would not be able to sleep.

His son sighed in his sleep, and his arms moved up to wrap around Splinter's waist, snuggling close in a way he would never do if he were aware of his actions. Raphael dwarfed him, curled up against him that way, but despite the weight and warmth and the blunt rim of a scuffed shell pressing against his ribs, Splinter just smiled.


End file.
